It would be dishonest of me to write a blog about finding happiness and not talk about the tough times in between. It comes part and parcel with life of course but when you have pre-existing mental health, I can’t expect it not to creep up here and there.
I covered details of setbacks before and to be fair, I want to spend more time talking about other things. My issues with Anxiety will always be a part of me somehow, no matter how happy I am. The sleepless nights, lying awake worrying about things that cannot possibly be fixed at 3am but there I am trying to fix it! The days when you watch the same tv show over and over then turn to the +1 channels and watch them all again just because it’s comforting to have in the back round (hands up F.R.I.E.N.D.S fans)! Just to name a few!
I have grown to accept that there will be days when attacks happen and it goes beyond “just having a bad day”. I have been open about my dark days not for sympathy but for knowledge for those who are still understanding mental health. As with everything nowadays, there’s a stigma with mental health. Having anxiety doesn’t mean you’re a recluse or a nervous wreck all the time.
I have written about this before so I won’t waffle on. It’s been a tough few months for the Blue Chameleon household where I’ve been faced with changes out of my control. My heart hurts thinking about everything going on personally and globally to be frank. Considering every heart-breaking decision, I’ve had to somehow swallow that lump in my throat and push forward for the sake of my family and myself. There’s always going to be something or someone who talks, makes up stories or conclusions, people who think they know what’s going on but really no one has a clue.
Months like these make it extremely hard to find good and happiness but this is where the strength drawn from my gut comes from. Moving forward. Always.
So, I found my makeup drawer, my jewellery box, I dug out my dresses from last year and told myself we were going to have a good day. The sun was shining and I had an idea. The hair went up, the slap was on and the dress was zipped, (just)! No reason other than lunch with friends and I had bought myself a new liquid lipstick on impulse which needed trying! I felt great! Put it down to endorphins from the sun if you will but that stuff worked! Mama was feeling fab!
I made a pact with myself that I would wear at least a dress everyday (weather dependent) and keep it on all day. Regardless if I was cleaning the house or going out, that dress was staying on. Even on the bad days when I had to cry, scream and shout, that dress was on. My confidence was improving and I felt the anxiety slip away. Not over night, don’t get me wrong! But it went. I won again.
The point I want to reiterate is we all have a power and passion in us but when disaster strikes that passion can feel less important. It’s very important. It’s that passion that influences our minds to tackle the hard stuff. To get us through those dark days when everything is slipping away. Your passion is what makes you happy so channel it to be used against the bad.
Always remember, you’re a force to be reckoned with and don’t try to talk yourself out of it!
DeAnna’s (Blue Chameleon blog series) Focuses on rebuilding self-confidence after suffering through difficult times. DeAnna lives in Cambridge, England with her family, cats and dog. She credits a portion of happiness to her partner, Pete, punctuation manager, chief tea maker, and bringer of toast.