A life coach I spent some time with used to question my thoughts, feelings and values. These questions never came from a place of negativity or mean-heartedness (although some days I wondered why we had to dig them out). Instead she wanted to find out three things; What I was thinking, Why I was thinking and what feelings were attached to those thoughts. Consider this; You become the thoughts you have.
When you spend so much time in a negative headspace, you outwardly research and glean examples of why something is 100% truth. When you're in a positive mindset, the same is true, however it's not detrimental to your own self. Your beliefs are an equation of
Thoughts + Feelings + Research/Proof= Belief.
For example, you are having a bad day. You think, 'gees this is a pretty crummy day today', you feel a little down about it, and then you keep noticing things going wrong. Those three things form the belief for the rest of that day that you had a bad day. It doesn’t matter that you nailed that research report, that you were complimented on your outfit by your secret crush at work or that someone in the coffee line paid for your coffee. You can only see that you stubbed your toe when you got out of bed, missed the train, was late to work and that it rained and you forgot your umbrella.
Our minds are powerful beyond comprehension. In my previous blog post, I spoke of how every external interaction I had in life felt like a cage fight. It truly did from the inside, and to everyone around me I must have looked angry all the time for absolutely no reason that they could fathom. In my mind, no one was helping me, no one would do the washing or put it away, no one would help do groceries, get the kids from school, mind the kids, make them healthy, support me, pay me what I was worth, help me out… I would have to do it all. I didn’t need help and hence formed my biggest belief in life that I had to do it all. If it was going to get done, I was the one who had to do it. For all of my relationships in life, this was being detrimental to both who I was attracting and who I was surrounding myself with and retaining as friends. The tsumani of negativity was suffocating. Nothing was going to change, If it didn’t change, so I started to change me. Believe me, once you open that door to change, there's NO going back and it's the roughest, un-prettiest journey you'll ever begin.
I remember asking a friend a few months after I'd started my self-discovery journey if we were, OK? She assured me we were, however deep down in my gut I got the sense that we were indeed not. I had been growing personally and she was the same. I was stepping up to life and had begun chasing dreams. She was not. When you start operating on a higher level, I believe that there will be people who will drop off the friendship radar. This is perfectly normal. It's the same when you step into yourself, who you are unapologetically. There will always be people who you will hear say 'you've changed' like it’s the worst possible thing you could have done… To them. Remember that those comments are not about you as much as they're about them. Instead of saying, I'm proud of the changes you're making in your life they go on the attack. This leads back to our own belief system of research and proof of a belief. If we believe we can't be ourselves, we see proof of why we can't be, we will continually bury the feelings of 'being ourselves' to keep our friends, not rock the boat and be socially acceptable.
I challenge you today and ask you, "Where in your life are you NOT showing up 100% authentically yourself?"
It's a very easy door to enter, I'm a chameleon by trade and now working out who I truly am, what sets me alight inside and what I love hasn’t been easy. I still hear myself say, "That would be awesome, I would love to" when deep down inside I hear- "Why are you going to do that?". I now know to circle back, check out what's going on for me from a thought, feelings, belief point of view and see what feelings are coming up. I often find now that I need to circle back, apologise and excuse myself from those situations as they won't benefit me in any way.
If I can't live by these three words: Create, Empower, Inspire then I won't partake. These words transcend life on so many levels.
Can you create the life you love? Create a product you want to sell? Create a memory for your children? Create your most cherished self?
Can you inspire someone today through your actions, words or journey?
Can you empower another person to do better, be better, be knowledgeable, be kind? Just Be?
If I answer no to any of those many questions, then that’s' my answer. No. It's really fun to learn how to say when you've been a serial Yes girl all your life.
So as you go about your day today, think over BUDDAH'S words.
"What you think, you become.
What you feel, you attract.
What you imagine, you create."
Julie Clyde is a Creative Artist. Her company, Julie Clyde Creative, leads the charge of brand design internationally for entrepreneurs and creates unique artistic pieces. She is a brand disruptor, public speaker, brand motivator, artist, wife and mum. She's a passionate entrepreneur and sees this variety in her life as the zing for what drives her creativity. Julie's blog series 'Discovery of Self' explores how you can learn to love and accept who you are from the inside out.